that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
