I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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