Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
