Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
