I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
