I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
