thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I wish my penis had an off switch
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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