I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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