I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
