Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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