If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize