I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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