I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
