i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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