I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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