i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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