I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
