Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize