Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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