Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
