when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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