Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
