Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
