According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
