I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
