$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
We smell like vodka and hangover
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
