WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
