I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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