Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
