Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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