i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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