Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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