therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
