Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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