Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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