matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
