My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
