you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
