i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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