you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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