i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
