Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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