I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Randomize
