somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
