Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I CAN MOONWALK!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
