my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Randomize
