Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize