Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
