peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I don't think brook has ever known best
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
