we're chasing vodka with high fives
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
