if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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