I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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