I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
