Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
