He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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