i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i now understand why vodka
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
