The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Send help, water and tortillas.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
