my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
