Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
