: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
