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Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
