well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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