So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Your topless pictures make me question reality
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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