I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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