At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
