its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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